Marlene Creates A Faction
by IVolunteerAsDauntless
Summary: CRACKFIC. That my friend prompted like five to six months ago and I FINALLY finished. Exactly what the title says. Rated T for VERY dark humor and demon-eyed Marlene, along with profanity.


**A/N: This is completely random shit right here. My friends and I came up with it at lunch, and it's **_**absolutely ridiculous**_**. The cafeteria is where weird stuff happens. This is probably going to be bad because I'm still in junior high. Also, I made it like, 6 months ago, and my writing skills (I think) have improved since then. **_**Although I did edit it but I really only edited a little bit and all I really did was edit in profanity because I'm not as innocent as I was six months ago and I feel like they would say **_**damn **_**and not **_**dang **_**and **_**hell **_**not **_**heck **_**so now it's more accurate I guess **_**Lots of characters will be OOC because crack. **_**Very small**_** mentions of The Hunger Games and The Maze Runner, but no actual spoilers. (There will, however, be tons of spoilers for the Divergent trilogy, so **_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**_**) The story takes place after Allegiant, but assumes **_**We Can Be Mended **_**never happened (and don't we all wish that?) Rated T for **_**very**_** dark humor and demon-eyed Marlene.**

**Disclaimer: If the author of the Divergent series made this, it wouldn't be called**_** fan**_**fiction. **

* * *

Marlene, Lynn, Uriah, Tris, Four, Christina, Will, Al, Shauna, and Zeke stood in the old Dauntless compound, a year after the war ended.

"Wait, aren't most of us supposed to be dead?" said Al.

Marlene angrily stomped over to him. "GO JUMP IN THE CHASM AGAIN!"

"But I just want to know how we're alive!"

"Fine, jump in when the flashback's over."

_-flashback-_

Marlene was sitting around in Heaven being bored. "Hey, Lynn, Uriah, Tris, Will, get over here!"

"What?" Lynn deadpanned. She was in a bad mood for no reason at all.

"I'm bored so I'm going to revive us!" Marlene giggled like an Amity girl. That is, if there still _was_ Amity. All the factions were gone.

"But that's not logical. You can't just revive people, and you're already dead. Plus, the facts show that this has never happened before," Will continued to ramble on about _logic _this and _facts_ that like an Erudite.

"Too bad. I feel like it, so imma do it!"

"_Imma_ isn't actually a word. You could say _I am going to_ or _I will,_ but-"

"Shut it, Erudite!" Lynn hissed and slapped him in the face—understandably, because no one likes it when Will acts like an Erudite. Unfortunately for Will, Lynn doesn't keep her complaints quiet like everyone else, even Al, a former Candor.

Speaking of Al, he heard the word _revive_ and walked over. "What are you doing?"

There was a collective groan from everyone. Nobody liked Al for _obvious _reasons. Uriah, oblivious to the fact that this would only make him want to stay, told him, "We're going back home to Chicago. Now leave."

"Nope!"

More groaning.

"Fine. You can come with us. Just no more attempted murder on your crush, please?" said Tris, feigning innocence, yet somehow glaring at the same time.

"I-I won't. Promise. I'm not a—not a—murderer. I really only thought—I only thought that—um, they were just going to scare you," Al stammered.

There was an awkward silence for a little while.

"Anyways," Marlene drew out the word, "I'm going to press this button," Marlene pointed to a Dauntless-black button which appeared out of nowhere, "And we'll be back in the Dauntless compound!"

"But—"

Lynn punched Will in the face before he could continue.

Marlene pressed the button.

_-end flashback-_

"You. Were. There," Marlene growled at Al. "You did not need a recap. NOW JUMP IN THE CHASM!"

"Okaaaaaay!" Al giggled and attempted a backflip into the chasm, but slipped and broke his back on the railing before falling in.

"Alright, then," Shauna said, and attempted to hug Lynn, but only received a pat on the arm. Four and Tris were making out, as were Christina and Will. The Pedrad brothers attempted to make them _please just stop ew_, but failed.

After _five entire minutes_, Lynn screamed, "STOP KISSING OR I'LL PUSH YOU ALL INTO THE CHASM!"

"HEY! THIS IS _MY _STORY!" Marlene screeched. "_I'M _THE ONE WHO GETS TO TELL THEM TO STOP! STOP KISSING OR I'LL PUSH YOU ALL INTO THE CHASM, BUT FASTER THAN LYNN!"

Four rolled his eyes. "Okay, _protagonist_, but can I just say something?" Without waiting for a response, he continued, "You didn't get revived by sheer power of will. I created a machine that revives the dead using reverse-death serum. Yes, it's a thing. I _was _just going to revive Tris, but I guess since you were all nearby, it revived you too."

"You weren't thinking about anyone else?" Marlene was mad now. Her eyes turned blood-red and Uriah backed away slowly.

"What I meant was, I was going to revive Tris _first_, then the rest of you." Then, in a squeaky voice, he added, "Please don't kill me with your demon eyes!"

"Okay!" Marlene was back to her usual happy self. "Guess what?" Before anyone could answer, she continued, "I'm going to start a faction!"

"But the factions are just a bad experiment, made by people who believe that GDs and GPs aren't equal. That's why they're gone," Tris said, but Marlene wasn't having it.

"Too. Bad." Demon-eyed Marlene said. Regular Marlene then came back and said, "This is a good faction, with the _coolest _name ever!"

"Will it be something cool like how Dauntless's name was?" Christina asked.

"Yep! Marlene!"

"Um," Uriah started, "Hate to break it to you, Mar, but _Marlene_ is not a faction name.

If looks could kill—and apparently even demon-eyed looks can't, so Tobias had nothing to worry about—Uriah would've just died a slow, painful death, courtesy of his demon-eyed girlfriend.

"It. Is," Marlene said in such a terrifying way that Uriah started crying for his mommy, "and it's amazing!" And bubbly-personality Marlene was back.

* * *

"Which faction do we like the least?" Marlene asked, tapping her chin.

"Abnegation!" Christina shouted, receiving death glares from FourTris.

"Candor," Tris said drily, glaring at her bestie.

"What about Amity? I mean, they _drugged _youwith peace serum, Tris!" Four said, trying to diffuse the tension between the girls in a glaring-contest.

"Peace serum sounds _amazing," _Uriah said dreamily.

"NO! YOU _WILL NOT _GET HIGH ON HAPPY SERUM!" shouted Zeke.

"You're no fun, Zeke," Uriah pouted.

"You know, just because you're his little brother doesn't mean you have to follow his rules. You're pretty much an adult now," Shauna said.

"Your fault when he starts chasing imaginary butterflies," muttered Zeke.

"WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY AMAZING FACTION?!" Marlene shrieked, sparking many comments like, _conceited much _and _well _that's _not narcissistic at _all!

"So, can we all agree that Erudite is the worst? I mean, I left for a reason." Will, who had been quiet for the majority of the time, brought up a very good point. "How have we not reached this conclusion yet? Erudite is _very clearly _the worst faction."

"Agreed," everyone muttered.

"Okay, now for the amazingly awesomely amazing part!" Marlene squealed.

"Are we _sure _you're not Chicago-definition Divergent?" Tris inquired. "Because you're sounding very Amity, but we all know you were Dauntless."

"If I was Divergent, do you think I would've walked off that ledge?"

"Good point."

"So," Four started, "What exactly _is _the 'amazingly awesomely amazing part'?"

"DESTROYING THE OLD ERUDITE COMPOUND!" Demon-eyed Marlene screeched in a demonic voice. "BURNING IT TO ASHES," - and happy Marlene was back - "and building the Marlene compound!" She clapped her hands.

"COOL! LET'S BURN STUFF!" Lynn was suddenly in a good mood again and now wanted to burn the Erudite compound to the ground. In fact, there was a literal fire in her eyes.

Will, however, wasn't convinced. "How will we even _build_ the 'Marlene compound'?" Marlene glared, but he continued. "It would take a really long time to build, and we only have 9 people, one of which is wheelchair-bound!" It was Shauna's turn to glare now. "Plus, where would we even get the materials, or even figure out how to burn the Erudite compound and not the whole city."

They were all thinking it, Lynn just said it. "SHUT UP, ERUDITE!"

"Hey! I _transferred! _Plus, there aren't even factions anymore!"

"WHAT ABOUT THE MARLENE FACTION?!" Mar screeched.

"I am _this close _to pushing you into the chasm!"

Lynn, Uriah, Marlene, and Tris all glared at Will.

"Like she couldn't take you, _transfer_. You'd end up dead in the bottom of the chasm first," Lynn said with an intimidating glare the whole time.

Will knew she was right, and hid behind Christina, who gave him a look that said, _You're lucky I love you, you coward_.

"Let's go build the Marlene compound!" Marlene squealed.

* * *

"WE NEED SPONSORS TO GET PEACE SERUM, GASOLINE, LIGHTERS, AND THE MARLENE COMPOUND!" Marlene shouted.

"SINCE WHEN ARE WE IN THE HUNGER GAMES!?" Lynn shouted back, just as loud.

"AND WHY DO WE NEED PEACE SERUM!?" Tris shrieked.

Marlene was about to retort, but suddenly silver parachutes filled with gasoline and lighters came raining down on the group.

"SERIOUSLY, SINCE WHEN ARE WE IN THE HUNGER GAMES!?" Lynn was really confused by now.

Since now, Lynn, because I'm the author and I feel like putting you in the Hunger Games.

"Oh shit, Career tributes!"

Okay, never mind!

"SO NOW WE'RE IN THE MAZE!?"

"GRIEVERS!"

Fine, back to your world.

"Crap, MARLENE!"

* * *

Marlene grabbed the gasoline and was pouring it on top of the Erudite compound. Don't ask about the logic behind that.

"MARLENE, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THERE!" Will was desperate. "AT LEAST GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO GET OUT!"

"NO!" Marlene was determined to not let anyone get in the way of her faction, even if it meant a fifth of the population dying. "Everyone can DIE IN THE FLAMES!" Marlene's eyes were demonic again.

"WHAT?"

* * *

"Heaven's going to be _really crowded _when we get back," Will said. Demon-eyed Mar had just ended hundreds of lives for the sake of some wannabe faction.

"Meh. Who cares? I NEED THE MARLENE COMPOUND TO COME IN A SILVER PARACHUTE!"

"MAR! WE'RE GOING TO BE CHASED BY CAREERS IF WE GO TO HUNGER GAMES LAND!" Lynn was panicking now.

"Mar, you might not want to go to the Hunger Games, because death by bloodthirsty teenagers in a giant outdoor arena was in Lynn's fear landscape!" Four told Marlene.

Lynn slapped Four. "FOUR! THAT WAS CONFIDENTIAL!"

"Sorry!"

"Was being trapped in a giant maze with Grievers in your fear landscape?" Christina sarcastically asked.

Lynn, not catching the sarcasm, turned red and yelled, "HOW DID YOU KNOW!? WAS IT FROM MY REACTION IN THE MAZE!?"

"It, it was a joke…"

Lynn turned an even darker shade of red—somehow—and hid behind her sister.

"Let's use sheer force of will to summon the Marlene compound!" Marlene squealed.

"Actually, Marlene, you didn't—" Four started, then realizing that she _would not listen_ if he tried to explain that it was _his _machine that revived her, not her Marlene mind powers, finished, "You know what, never mind," Four then proceeded to 3D-print an entire compound, because _computers_.

"Yaysies, my Marlene mind powers worked!"

Four internally facepalmed.

* * *

After Marlene had set up her compound, she made sure to tell everyone the ins and outs of the faction of Marlene.

"Okay, people! To be in the Marlene faction, you need to know what it's about! We value bravery and happiness! And paintball guns! We also value paintball guns!" Four looked at Zeke, as if to ask, _What the hell is wrong with her? _"We wear black and red!" By now, Tris was convinced that Mar _was _Divergent. "I AM IN CHARGE!" _Well, no shit, Mar, you've been acting like a dictator since we got back, _Lynn thought. "AND I AM ADMINISTERING PEACE SERUM TO EVERYONE!" _Dammit! _Tris thought, along with a good amount of curses.

"Um, Mar, why the peace serum?" Four asked, remembering how Tris acted like an _absolute lunatic _the last time she had that serum.

"DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND, MAR!" Uriah screamed. "DON'T LET FOUR BE A BUZZKILL!"

Tris walked over to Four and whispered, "_Please _stop Mar from giving me that peace serum, Tobias! I _can't _take that again!" Four nodded and she smiled. Then to Marlene she shouted, "You weren't there when I had the peace serum! It's _not good!" _

Marlene ignored Tris. Shauna, seeing this, realized that Tris probably had a point and that Marlene was _definitely _crazy. "Um, Mar, why do you need to give everyone peace serum?" she asked.

"Because she agrees with me that it would be _amazing _to be on drugs all the time!" Uriah said, making everyone worry about his mental health—almost as much as they were worrying about Marlene's.

"Um, Uri, are you okay?" Zeke asked.

"Seriously, Uriah, you're acting weird, and not a good weird." Four added.

"We're _not _talking about _Uriah, _we're talking about _me _and my peace serum plan!" Marlene said sassily.

"Further evidence that Tobias and I are the only former Abnegation," Tris muttered under her breath.

"Okay, Marlene, what exactly is your 'peace serum plan'?" Christina asked, desperate to move on from the topic of Uriah's mental health.

"It's a secret!" Marlene singsonged.

"That doesn't sound too good," Will whispered to Christina. At the same time, Tris was uttering profanity under her breath that would make the toughest Dauntless and the most loud-mouthed Candor blush.

"How are you going to give everyone peace serum?" Four asked, worried that Tris would kill him in his sleep if he let her get high on peace serum again.

Demon-eyed Marlene responded in a terrifying voice, "By sneaking into your house and injecting you with it in your sleep!"

Everyone backed away slowly.

* * *

"Mar, what's that rope for?"

* * *

Tris had opposed Marlene's plan to get everybody higher than a plane, so now all except Mar were tied to a fence. Marlene was holding eight syringes filled with way too much peace serum. Lynn, Four, Shauna, Will, Christina, Zeke, and Tris were cursing under their breath. Only Uriah was impatient, waiting until he could get high on the green serum. He's a _special _person.

"Time for the serum!" Marlene sang in a demonic voice. Uriah cheered while everyone else groaned. One by one, she injected the former Dauntless with the drugs, and one by one, they stopped resisting and started acting like joyful children.

Marlene untied everyone. "Thanks for the serum, Mar! I'm sorry I was thinking about punching you in the face," Four said, with the biggest grin on his face.

"Yeah, Mar, thanks for this _wonderful wonder drug!" _Lynn added, spinning around in a circle with her arms extended. "Drugs are cool! DO DRUGS, KIDS!"

"I forgot how _amazing _this is!" Tris shouted while eating grass, like she had as a child. "I wish it lasted forever!"

Marlene smirked and said, "See, I _told you_ peace serum was great."

Uriah was making pretending to make snow angels in the grass. Shauna had found a balloon and was running around with it.

"Zeke summon unicorn. Zeke ride!" Zeke was pretending to ride a unicorn-—and he probably thought he was. In a corner, Christina and Will were giggling like children.

"This is getting kind of annoying," Marlene complained. She locked everyone in a room for the rest of the day and overnight so the serum would wear off.

* * *

"MARLENE, YOU PANSYCAKE, WHAT DID YOU DO TO US!?" Uriah screamed, banging on the inside of the door. Apparently he realized that all his begging was not for a good reason.

"Uri, stop yelling and we can play paintball!" Mar pleaded.

Uriah, always easy to bribe, stopped yelling immediately. The self-dubbed Initiate Trio as of the night before, however, were _very _mad. "Marlene! Why would you tie us to a fence and give us happy drugs!?" Christina screeched.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Tris roared.

"That was a horrible decision! You're a psycho!" Will yelled.

Marlene got her demon eyes back, and screeched, "Yes, I am. And now, I'm going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" She used her Marlene mind powers to gather everyone in the world and kill everyone who tried to run away. "Okay, people, you have two options. You can help me take over the world or you can _DIE!"_

More tried to escape. Mar killed them all.

"Lynn, Uriah, you're her best friends, WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!?" Shauna screeched. There was something very wrong with her sister's best friend and she wanted to find out.

"I don't know!" Uriah squeaked.

"Yeah, she never used to act like this!" Lynn replied.

Tris saw David among the crowd of people. "Mar, can I kill David?" she asked, way too excitedly for a question about murder.

"Sure," Marlene replied emotionlessly, "knock yourself out."

Tris picked up a gun and stood right in front of David. Right before she pulled the trigger, she said, "Revenge, pansycake." But she didn't use the word _pansycake. _

Tris went to stand next to Four so they could have a FourTris moment. "My work here is done," she said with a smile, and nestled her head into his chest.

Then there was a huge explosion.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF DAUNTLESS CHOCOLATE CAKE DID YOU JUST DO!?" Four screamed.

"I exploded everyone," Marlene replied sweetly.

Everyone uttered profanity.

"Um, Mar, exactly _why _did you explode everyone?" Uriah asked carefully.

"They wouldn't cooperate. Are _you _going to cooperate?" She asked in a way that made everybody absolutely terrified.

"Y-yes! I'll—I'll cooperate! Promise!"

"Okay!" She smiled sweetly. "You better!" she said with petrifying demon eyes.

* * *

During the process of world domination, Marlene established a new rule.

"Anyone who does not _cooperate _is banished outside the fence and you can't come back!"

"Wait, Mar, does that mean everyone will live inside the city?" Uriah asked.

"Yep! In the Marlene compound!"

"But there's not nearly enough room," Will stated.

"Then I'll mind control the people to start a war and the survivors on the winning team's side will live!"

"I'm scared," Lynn whispered. And if _Lynn _of all people was scared, it was _not _a good thing.

* * *

**250 YEARS LATER**

**TRIS'S DESCENDANT'S POV**

We're lucky to be in the city. They say the war was terrible. That the rest of the world was destroyed. Our founders built the wall to keep us safe. And divided us into six groups, factions, to keep the peace.

* * *

**A/N: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, MARLENE? No, the real questions are: 1) WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? 2) WHY IS THIS LABELLED **_**HUMOR **_**AND PARODY INSTEAD OF **_**TRAGEDY **_**AND PARODY? 3) WHY'D I USE SUCH DARK HUMOR THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE!? Also, please disregard Lynn's "Drugs are cool! DO DRUGS, KIDS!" comment. It was for the sake of crack. Please don't actually do drugs. Please. Welp, anyways, that's that. Feel free to leave a review telling me about how demented my mind is! Bye!**

**-IVolunteerAsDauntless**


End file.
